Deep Regret
by gawilliams
Summary: Bones' Grandaughter asks her a question and Bones reveals her deepest regret.
1. Chapter 1

_This is a short fluffy feel good piece that I wanted to write while I was working on updates for some of my stories. It may feel like an angsty piece, but I prefer to think of it as a very warm moment. I hope you agree. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Dr. Temperance Brennan, now semi-retired, was sitting in her home study looking out onto the extensive grounds of the large estate she and her husband resided on. Specifically she was watching her husband play with their younger grandchildren. It always brought a smile to her face when she would watch Booth play with them. She was supposed to be working on the final chapters to her latest novel, but she couldn't bring herself to quit looking at the sight that she loved so much.

"Grandma Bones?" a nervous voice called to her from the doorway.

She turned to the door and saw Joy, her oldest granddaughter, now sixteen, standing there looking a bit nervous. That was Booth's doing. He always told everyone that when she was in her study, she was not to be disturbed. Of course that didn't stop him from coming in and sitting on the couch for hours on end while she was working on something, but Booth was Booth.

"Please come in," she told her granddaughter. She still had a bit of the formality in her speech patterns, but she was not nearly as bad as she used to be. Again, Booth's doing. She watched as the young woman, her words not Booth's, came in and looked around at the book lined walls and the small side table with a number of framed pictures on it. There was a couch and two easy chairs in the room as well as the old hanging skeleton that was in her former office at the Jeffersonian. The only non-functional items on her excessively large desk were tow small figurines. A cute little pig, and a bespectacled Smurf. Jasper and Brainy Smurf. Despite all of the priceless artifacts and artwork she had, those to small figurines were her most prized, and cherished, possessions, outside of her Mother's ear rings. She pressed save on the computer to preserve her current work, and then came around from behind the desk. "Is there something you need help on?" she asked, noting in her mind the books that Joy had with her. Joy was a very advanced student, and in fact was in her first year of college, having graduated from High School at fifteen.

"I was hoping to ask you a question I have about your books," Joy managed to get out. Ordinarily she loved being around her Grandmother, and had some of the most interesting conversations with her, but she had never asked her, or discussed with her, the books that she had been writing for so long.

Bones was surprised. Joy was Parker's oldest daughter, and like Booth, Parker was very protective of his children, almost bordering on the prudish. She had no idea that Joy was even reading her novels. "Certainly," she replied.

"It's for my trends in modern literature class," Joy explained. "Your novels were used to discuss the shift in modern mystery writing to a more fact based and scientifically sound presentation that assumed an educated, interested audience."

Bones smiled. She'd have to tell Booth about that who was still teasing her that people read her novels because of the "_**smoking **_**HOT**" sex scenes between Andy and Kathy. That's how he always described them, especially after they become a couple and he was her guinea pig for devising various sexual scenarios for her novels.

"I'm sure that other well received authors had as much of an impact as I did," she said, trying to be modest, though her natural inclination to be factually observant was as strong as ever. Booth's influence again.

"But you blended in a long going relationship between the main protagonist, and a steady recurring character, while not losing the impact of the main focus of the novels," Joy pointed out. "You were the first to be truly successful in that, and many have shifted to that style since."

"Thank you," Bones said, a wide mental smile making itself felt inside of her. She would definitely be teasing Booth about the true interest in her novels later. He could make up for his years of teasing by a night of mind blowing sex. Despite the fact that they were not so young anymore, their sex life was very active and a welcome aspect of their relationship. She looked out the window briefly and saw her husband rolling around with their three year old grandson with the others cheering them on. Even though his hair was grey now, with some tinges of white, he was still the most handsome man she'd ever known. He also had the physical look and appeal of a man twenty years his junior. Her own hair was gray, with some highlight of her original brunette. Booth told her almost daily that he thought she was as beautiful as when he first met her. She, too, kept her body in top physical shape, and _**gravity**_, and age, had not taken their toll as yet, thankfully.

"It was a very interesting class, and now that we've finished the term, I had a question," Joy told her.

"Anything," Bones responded.

"In the sixth novel, the relationship between Kathy and Andy seems to slow and a sense of melancholy is present in the writing," Joy observed. "The mystery and science are as strong as ever, but the overall tone of the novel is different. In the seventh novel it picks back up and is strong and upbeat. In fact, Kathy and Andy move forward at an astonishing rate, personally, and it makes for a more developed, and successful, partnership."

"And your question is?" Bones asked.

"Why the sudden change in tone from the fifth to the sixth novel and then again from the sixth to the seventh," Joy asked curiously.

Bones leaned back and turned her head back to the window and looked out at Booth, who was now standing and smiling widely at their grandkids. Parker had joined him and she smiled, thinking of the little boy she had first met at Wong Fu's one Christmas so long ago. So many memories, some good, and some bad, were her reward for all these years of knowing, working with, and loving Booth. He'd literally saved her from a life of genuine loneliness and sorrow.

"You do know that Kathy and Andy are based on myself and your Grandfather," Bones began.

Joy smiled. "Yeah," she replied. "Dad told me that, and also that if drove Grandpa nuts that you wouldn't admit that Andy Lister was based on him."

"I wouldn't say it made him clinically insane," Bones chuckled. "But it was interesting to listen to him try and develop as many logical arguments to prove that Andy Lister was indeed him."

"Interesting?" Joy asked. "Or entertaining?"

Bones smiled wickedly. "_**Very**_ entertaining," she said slyly. She shared a good laugh with her granddaughter over that one. Then she got serious. "Despite the fact that you are young, have you ever done something that you deeply regret? The type of regret that is almost visceral, even if in the end it worked out well?" she asked.

Joy was startled by the question, but thought about it. "I don't think so," she replied. "I regret not staying in school with my friends, but that kind of regret is not the same. I do understand what you are referring to, though."

Bones nodded. "I did something shortly before I wrote the sixth novel that has given me that kind of regret, Joy," she admitted. "My feelings, and despair, are what you sense when reading that novel."

Joy's eyes widened. The whole family practically worshiped their grandmother and most thought she could do no wrong, their Grandfather at the head of the line in that department. "What happened?" she asked.

"I crushed your Grandfather's heart," Bones said softly, using the term she had used for so many years when referring to the old adage of a broken heart, or a breaking of someone's heart. She could still see the pain filled expression on Booth's face from that night so long ago when she had rejected him, and her heart began to speed up in anguish over the memory. "For a long time we had avoided becoming involved. Many of the reasons are ridiculous when looked at with any seriousness, and during those first five years of our partnership we had hurt each other many times with other relationships and effectively lying to one another about our feelings. I used my novels to try and be honest in at least one respect about my true feelings. Then, your Grandfather decided to risk it all for me. He told me he wanted to give us a chance at a real relationship. It scared me, Joy, and I said no. I was not subtle, or gentle in my rejection of him, and the pain it caused him was very apparent in his eyes and in his voice. Shortly thereafter he went back in the Army for a time and I went on a sabbatical to Maluku. When I returned he had found another woman and was in a relationship with her. I wrote that sixth novel while he was in that relationship. It hurt so much to see him with someone else, and to have to lie and tell him I was happy for him."

"So you regret turning him down?" Joy asked.

"Yes, but the deep regret I still feel is not about that," Bones answered. "I once said a short time before that to a friend of ours that I couldn't think of anything I wouldn't do for Booth. I made a mockery of that when I hurt him so deeply with my rejection. Booth is the kindest, gentlest man I have ever known, and I hurt him far more than any torture he had ever endured in the military. I was lucky, though."

"How so?" Joy asked. This was probably the most personal conversation she'd ever had with her notoriously private Grandmother. Grandma Bones was outgoing, and very personable, but at the same time she was also very protective of herself.

"When Booth's relationship with Hannah ended he was willing to give me another chance," Bones replied, a hint of emotion showing through. She remembered the night she'd come to his apartment and sat down, telling him that she was sorry for what she had done the year before, and how much she had hurt him. She'd also told him that if he ever was willing to trust her again with his heart, she would never let him down. To her astonishment, and utter happiness, he had asked her right then if she would give them a chance. He also told her something he had left out of the question the year before. He was in love with her. He had spoken it out loud and it had become tangible at that very moment.

"So when you wrote the seventh novel, you were in a relationship with Grandpa?" Joy asked her last question.

Bones smiled and nodded. "I was also pregnant with your Aunt Emily," she revealed. "I've always thought the overly emotional tone to the seventh novel was a result of the hormones associated with pregnancy."

"I think you think too much if that's the explanation you have for the tone of the seventh novel," Joy said seriously.

Bones laughed delightedly. "You're Grandfather tells me I think too much everyday," she revealed. "If you don't mind, Joy, I'd like to give you some personal advice. I don't, as a general rule, give advice of a personal nature as I don't always understand some of the more conventional issues of everyday life, but this was advice that you're Great-Great-Grandfather Hank gave me once, and if I had listened and followed it, I would not have the regret I do today. Life is too short to have to live with regret. If you find someone who complements you, and makes you feel genuinely special and loved, don't let your fears make the decision for you. Everyone deserves to be truly happy."

"And Grandpa makes you that happy?" Joy asked knowingly.

Bones nodded as she looked out the window again at her husband. "Everyday of my life, Joy," she answered with a twinge of emotion in her normally controlled voice. "I'm just glad I got the chance to make amends for the dreadful mistake I made and the hurt I caused him. I can't imagine, nor do I ever want to think about, what my life would have been like all these years if I hadn't had him with me."

Joy stood up, and when her Grandmother stood also, she gave her a warm hug. "Thanks, Grandma Bones," she said with deep love and affection.

"Anytime you want to ask me anything, please do," Bones said as she returned the hug. "You've made me feel special by asking me about myself. Not many people ever do, and I rarely get the chance to pass on some of what I've been fortunate enough to learn in life from my relationship with your Grandfather."

Bones watched Joy walk out of the office and smiled. Life was about to take another turn the next day when Booth retired from the FBI, and they were going to be able to spend even more time with each other and enjoy each other even more than they had in years. She smiled at the thought of even more days of him in the study as she worked on some of her anthropology work she still did part time for the Jeffersonian as well as her novels. With those happy thoughts, she sat down and got back to work on finishing her latest novel.

_A/N: Well, there it is. Bones reflecting on her regret, while at the same time loving what a life with Booth had given her. I hope you all enjoyed this one. I will be posting the final chapter to Venting Frustration either this evening or tomorrow as I took an extra couple of days due to illness. Gregg._


	2. Chapter 2

_I decided, during a long night of being miserable again with the flu, to write a short epilogue to this one since I mentioned that the following day Booth was retiring from the FBI. I couldn't resist writing about his final day at work. I hope you enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Seeley Booth, Deputy Director of the FBI, second only to the Director, made his way to the main conference room. It just figured. His final day and then retirement. It was supposed to be one long love fest from the first moment, but he'd been forced to work on a mountain of final paperwork his last day. Then he thought he'd catch a break and be able to spend some time bullshitting with the guys in Homicide, but that had been trashed when the Director had come in and wanted a full on briefing on all his ongoing work so the guy was up to speed in case the new Deputy Director wasn't up to snuff. Now, when he'd thought that he might catch a break and relax, some asshole had called him down to the main conference room for a briefing on something that he wouldn't even be around for! It had to be God's punishment for all those impure thoughts of the last thirty some odd years that his priest hadn't done a good enough job on absolving him of when calling him a pervert everyday at confession. Did he mention that he still went to confession everyday when it came to Bones? Thoughts, actions, you name it, the impure stuff just rolled right along. Thank God he would be heading home tonight and spend the rest of his life making time with his wife, who was still the most beautiful woman in the world in his, admittedly, very biased opinion. He about had a heart attack when he opened the conference room door and a massive shout of "_**SURPRISE!**_" greeted him.

"Well I'll be damned!" he said with a smile as he saw all the people there. Then he noticed the guys in the black suits and one man in particular next to Bones. He straightened up and almost saluted. "Mr. President!"

The President of the United States, a young man who was very popular and doing a good job in Booth's opinion, made his way over and shook his hand.

"Deputy Director Booth," he said warmly. "I just wanted to spend a few minutes and thank you for your service all these years and let you know that you will be missed."

"Thank you, Sir," Booth replied, not knowing how to accept such a compliment all that easily.

"I also have something that is long overdue for you, and your former team of _Squints_, I believe they were called," the President continued.

"About time," a much older Jack Hodgins said with a smile. His curly hair and beard were now snow white, as was the hair of his wife, Angela who was at his side.

"I still have my gun, Hodgins," Booth said with a small glare. This was the President, after all!

The President laughed as he saw the Secret Service tense at that statement, though they knew not to do anything as most of the people in this building were armed as it was their job to be. "Don't worry, Mr. Booth," he said. "I know all about Dr. Hodgins and his frustrations with the government. By the way, Dr. I enjoyed your latest book on conspiracy in the military. I don't agree with it, naturally, but I did enjoy it."

Jack chuckled as he saw Booth continue to glare at him. Booth had not liked his latest conspiracy book at all.

"Jack," Bones warned with a smile. She could see Booth getting a bit "frustrated" and brought it to a halt, despite the good humor of the President.

"Sorry, Dr. B," Jack said, a smile on his lips.

"Well, let's get on with this, so you can all enjoy this little celebration," the President said with a smile. He liked this group and their obvious closeness. "I'll keep this a bit informal. To Dr. Saroyan, Dr. Hodgins, and Ms. Montenegro-Hodgins, I am pleased to award you, entirely too late, in my opinion, the FBI Medal of Distinguished Service, and the FBI Medal of Merit. Your work a number of years ago as a team under the leadership of Deputy Director Booth and Dr. Brennan was exemplary, and made this country a safer place. It's a personal honor to be able to award you these long overdue awards."

Saroyan, Hodgins, and Angela were in a bit of shock as the President pinned the two medals on them and handed them the cases and citations. It had been a long time since Booth had finally taken well deserved promotions and the Booth Brennan crime solving partnership had ended.

"Now for the remaining two honorees," the President continued. "I am doubly pleased to award the following three awards to Deputy Director Booth and Dr. Temperance Brennan. For your conspicuous bravery and dedication to duty I am pleased to award you both the FBI Medal of Conspicuous Valor. In addition for the work you did in conjunction with the three other honorees, you are also awarded the Medal of Distinguished Service and the Medal of Merit. As I mention, all of these awards are long overdue, but it is my honor and privilege to award them to you."

For the next ten minutes the group talked with the President about their long ago work and then the President left them to their celebration. The Director of the FBI also took his leave and the group, along with an older Dr. Lance Sweets, and an elderly retired lawyer friend by the name of Caroline were able to visit and enjoy.

"So what are you going to do now, Seeley Booth?" Caroline asked, giving him a suggestive elbow to the ribs and a nod to Bones.

"You do realize that me and Bone have been married for over 25 years now, don't you?" he said with a roll of his eyes. The length of time it took for him and Bones to get together was still a running joke among friends. After all these years he still couldn't believe how stupid he and Bones had been.

"Why would she not realize it as she was at the wedding, Booth," Bones asked, a quick smile at her friends letting them know she was teasing him.

"A regular shotgun wedding," Hodgins chuckled as the rest laughed.

"Don't remind me," Booth shuddered. He could still remember Max, may he rest in peace, finding out Bones was pregnant a couple of months after they began their relationship and giving him a pretty graphic outline of the consequences if he didn't get on the stick and make his daughter an honest woman. At the time he hadn't known who to be more afraid of, Max or Bones, who he didn't know whether she would castrate him or not for even mentioning the word marriage in the same sentence as a discussion about their relationship. In the end he'd been more afraid of Max.

"My Father only wanted what was best for me," Bones defended Max, who had passed away a few years before.

"Threatening to torch me if I didn't marry you _**mucho pronto**_ is not something anyone wants to have as a discussion piece, Bones," Booth informed her.

"At least he didn't threaten to cut your cajones off with a rusty scalpel," Sweets shuddered. Now that had been a conversation that made him revert to being a baby and pissing down the legs of his pants profusely.

"He did?" Bones asked, shocked.

"For causing Booth to blow it and press you that night on a relationship," Sweets told them. He saw Booth's glare from the corner of his eye and cringed. They may be long time friends, but obviously the G-Man was still a bit peeved over that one.

"But I was the one who was to blame," Bones shook her head. "I was the one who foolishly said no and caused all that happened afterward."

"Yeah, but I left out the small bit of info that I was in love with you when I asked you to give us a shot," Booth reminded her. Now that was a night he hadn't thought about in a long time.

That old, deep regret she always felt when thinking of that time came to her, though she controlled it. The talk the day before with Joy had been beneficial in more ways than one. It had allowed her to think of all the good things that their relationship had given her, despite the regrets. "But I didn't have to hurt you so horribly when I said no," she said softly, leaning into him a bit, loving the feel of his arm going around her shoulder.

"Long forgotten and forgiven, Bones," he told her and leaned down for a kiss.

"So what are the plans for retirement, Big Guy?" Camille Saroyan asked. She'd retired the year before and was enjoying her time with her husband and her grandkids. Michelle had four pre-teens she was able to spoil rotten.

"I want to take Booth on a year long archeological dig in Central America," Bones told them.

"Which is why I am in charge of retirement planning," Booth interjected, to the amusement of everyone in the room.

"The exercise would do you good, _cher_," Caroline said with a smile.

"I am in top physical condition, thank you very much," Booth defended himself. "You can even ask Bones."

"Well, your sexual stamina is lagging a bit these days," Bones teased with a wink to everyone.

"Bones!" Booth hissed. "Do you mind? There are other people around and my stamina is just fine, thank you very much!"

"There's no need to be embarrassed, Booth," Sweets said, taking up the joke. "I can probably help you with just a few counseling sessions."

"Absolutely not!" Booth huffed. No way was he going to see Sweets about any kind of sexual dysfunction, especially where there wasn't one to begin with!

"Well I guess that means Hodgie is the new king of the bedroom then, since his stamina is awesome!" Angela said with a wicked gleam in her eyes.

"Hodgins," Booth glowered.

"I know, I know," Hodgins sighed. "You've still got a gun. Sorry, Ange, but your personal stud is not the _**El Supremo**_ of the bedroom."

"Phooey," Angela pouted humorously.

"I expect Booth will be spending all his free time in my study with me while I try to get some work done on my novels, and anthropology articles," Bones told them. She said it in a tone that implied she was genuinely looking forward to it.

"And we'll be putting in a wall mounted big screen TV in there," Booth said slyly.

"We will not be putting such a useless thing in my study," Bones shot back. "I will never understand men and their toys."

"Well, what do you expect me to do when I'm in there bugging you?" Booth needled. He could see that the whole group was amused. Good. The old banter and bickering was as effective and fun as ever.

"I have a wide assortment of reading material in my study, or you may do what you do for me everyday," Bones told him with a soft smile.

"And what's that, Bones?" he asked.

"Be my eye candy," she said with a kiss on his jaw as she leaned up and in a bit. "I even have the loin cloth purchased for you to wear, or better yet, you could be nude when in there with me."

"I don't think so, Bones," Booth decreed on the nude eye candy part. Eye candy he could deal with, but be nude so far from the bedroom? Not happening.

"I think with that rather disturbing image, we should head out," Hodgins said with a smile. "Congratulations, G-man. You've earned it. Give me a call this weekend and we'll go to a game and have a couple beers."

"Great!" Booth said with a smile. He spent a few minutes fielding hugs and handshakes from everyone until it was just he and Bones left. "Well, Bones?" he asked.

Bones smiled. "Let's go to your office," she replied.

"What the Hell for?" he complained. "I just got done finishing a mountain of paperwork there and all my personal stuff is already at home."

"Call it eliminating a**_ minor _**regret," she said slyly.

"Huh?" he asked.

"Fantasy number one?" she said with a wicked tone and a wink.

His jaw about hit the floor. Fantasy Number One! His only unfulfilled Bones fantasy! Sex on his desk at work! Oh happy Day!

"After you, Bones!" he said as he ushered her out of the room with his hand, as always, on the small of her back.

Bones smiled as they walked to the elevator. She may have some regrets in life, and one very deep one, but that didn't mean she couldn't work on making up for it with some energetic fun with her own private sex machine who went by the name Seeley Booth. With him by her side, even the deepest regrets seemed miniscule compared to the real happiness she had in life.

_A/N: There it is, the epilogue. I thought a scene with the Squints would be nice, and a chance to have a bit of humorous fun. I also wanted them to get the rewards that they should get for the work they did. I wanted to show that while Bones was more introspective and accepting of the past, she and the rest were all essentially the same at heart. I hope you all enjoyed this one. Gregg._


End file.
